i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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