There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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