he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
