Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
