remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
