I cannot find my penis.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
