do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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