her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
