Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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