I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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