Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
