Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize