you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
