I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
