I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
