I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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