We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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