Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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