I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
