Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
