I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
