I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
