I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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