I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
