Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
