somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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