it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
