he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
