drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
