I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
