it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
