Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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