Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
