i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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