I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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