**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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