I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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