My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
