he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
