my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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