not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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