Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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