low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
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He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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