I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
