this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
