the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
