I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
