she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
