I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
