They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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