Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
