Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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