my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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