seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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