It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
