My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
