I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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