i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
