My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
