I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He felt like a one man threesome
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
