I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
