Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You ruined the universe
Randomize