Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
