his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
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The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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