remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
