My nipple is on Facebook.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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