It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
