Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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