Can Purell be used as lube?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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