I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
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I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
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He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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