I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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